still here...

i guess i should update this...

black friday took on new meaning for us this year as we had to put our big guy down that day...i will spare you the details but we could not put him through anymore and it was time for him to go see jesus...it was horrible and no matter even if you know you are doing the right thing you can't help feeling wrong to say goodbye of your own doing...we COULD NOT let him suffer anymore but i will cry over him the rest of my life...he never took his eyes off me and i never took my eyes off him...

i still hear him in the house, we've seen him, we plan for him...palmer still talks about him in the present tense like "i have to put my gingerbread house up high in my room so hunter doesn't eat it"...it will take a while to get used to this...not sure i will ever REALLY get used to it as i have had him my whole "adult" life...


[incidentally my sister in law just wrote a book about the life of her beloved dog boris that you may want to check out]

so since it's been almost two months let's go bullet style here...

*went back to the states for a marathon visit with multiple locations and shorts amount of time...don't want to do it that way again! - but it WAS great to see everyone especially my grandparents!

*started running (again) on december 26th, only 3 months to xterra guam...my resolution is to actually work out for 3 straight months without pulling couch duty for weeks at a time like i ALWAYS DO and lose everything i work for! - might even try to hit xterra saipan two weeks before that...

*will force myself to update this at least once a week, and remember to send pictures to my grandparent's spiffy new wi-fi frame! - no downloading required?

*i did the bull shark dive in fiji in november...very cool but really want to go back and do it again with bear in high season...(blew my camera up too...must rent a good one to take or something!)

*we go the xbox kinect - it's hilarious and surprisingly hard work!...can't WAIT for the micheal jackson experience to come out in february!...bear can NOT move his hips...it's a sight to see...

*we didn't send christmas cards this year...i wasn't organized enough with the dog's failing health and we left right after we put him down so we didn't have to sit here in the empty house and i forgot my address book and had no pictures...the nice thing is we are gonna send new address cards out anyways! - we FINALLY have local mail instead of a p.o. box in downtown hagatna!

*in an effort to catch up i may just post random things out of order...deal with it...it's MY blog!

the bubs...

is hanging in there...we took him to the vet on friday morning cause he couldn't walk or get up by himself on thursday...he is sort of like a rag doll...his legs are floppy and he kind of lays as he falls, legs askew...we try to get him down gently, but a few times he has sort of faceplanted cause he is large and hard to direct when you only have one person on one side and he starts going down the other way...

the bad news...

he DOES have: a large splenic mass and 2 bad knees and he's anemic...

he MAY have: lymphoma and/or an infection from a bleed of the spleen...

bloodwork levels also revealed some highs and lows...

the good news...

chest x-rays show a GOOD heart and lungs, no metastasized cancer...

he is alert and content and does not appear to have any pain, just an inability to control his legs (mostly rear, but the front are not "dependable") very well if at all at times...

the current plan is prednizone...the steroid should help with several aspects, but mostly it should take down some swelling and relieve some pain...but it also is encouraging more drinking and more peeing to flush out some of the bloodwork issues...he is also on an antibiotic in case there is an infection from the spleen issue...

so far - the good news...he has been able to get up on his own a few times and is going out and walking under his own power a little more (we still sling him under the belly with the towel for some support and to catch him when he falls)...he is only going a few feet into the yard and back but it is good...

he is eating, drinking, and peeing great amounts...he is smiling...he is thrilled with all the treats he gets that he never got before...whipped cream...ground beef and rice...a bite here and there of whatever we are eating...

the bad news...the vet called today (sunday afternoon) to see how he is doing and he was hoping to hear some better progress...he is keeping him on the higher dose for a full 5 days instead of 3...

and he hasn't pooped since he left the vet on friday...doc said movement is the best remedy but as many times as we try to get him out and walking he wants to go pee then tries to get back inside as soon as possible...doc recommended a warm soapy water enema, and as much as bear and i are fighting over the privilege of getting to do that one, we decided that we might have to let the vet have that honor and my have to swing him by tomorrow for that if he can't make some poo tonight...i wish he understood that...it would SURELY scare it out of him!

if after 5 days there is no improvement we will try a non-steroidal treatment...but we are hoping this one works...

dr. miles said we may get 1 month, maybe 2, maybe 12...maybe none...you just can't tell...but at 12 1/2 years, it's definitely measured in months...

we are trying to explain to palmer what may be coming soon...it SUCKS...